The Credit Monster Just Ate My Mortgage

I was sitting there minding my own business when this Credit Monster came running into the room and told me that the government was buying my mortgage from my bank and I had three days to get out of Dodge City, USA or they would be forced to confiscate the future of my children through excessive and unwarranted taxation.

How did things get this bad? I wasn’t doing anything to get myself into trouble. All I wanted was a big mansion of my own. So what if I couldn’t afford it. The bank told me that didn’t matter. So what if I didn’t have enough income to pay the interest on the mortgage. The real estate agent told me he would make up the numbers so no one would know, and no one cared anyway.

You can’t blame that on me, can you? You can’t say that I’m responsible. I have never been responsible for anything in my whole life. Now I have to live in my taxi because the Credit Monster is going to foreclose on my home. I wish I was dealing with a cookie monster. I am getting lonely, and at least that way I would have someone following me around

It’s their fault. I mean the Credit Monsters. I need help. How could anyone expect me to know what that long contract I signed said? I can’t even read. I had to get a friend of mine to take my taxi and limousine test so I could get my chauffeurs license. How could they let a poor snook like me buy a big five-bedroom mansion with an Olympic size pool? I don’t even swim. Where I grew up there were no bodies of water, only dead bodies encased in concrete.

Now they tell me it is up to me to fund hundreds of billions in debt to save the Nation. They say it’s my patriotic duty. I can’t even fund my ex wife’s alimony payments for child support. I don’t think they are my kids anyway; at least not the two younger ones. Why don’t you tax them?

How could this be happening to me? I am drowning in a sea of debt that the government made me guarantee, or they said it would be my fault that the economy collapsed. I repeat I don’t swim. I don’t want to drown in a sea of anything. I have already physically and mentally collapsed. What more do they want?

It’s not my debt I tell you. Is anyone listening? Can anyone hear me? What am I to do? I bet there are millions of people out there that feel the same as me. Who is going to protect us? Who is going to look after out interests? We need a lobbyist. I just wish we could afford one. Then we would show this Credit Monster a thing or two.

Why should the rich Wall Street types have all the fun while we pay their debts when they screw up? I can mess things up just fine on my own like they have? Don’t tell me I don’t know how to screw up. Where is our government when we need it? Who is going to help us now and look after our interests? This isn’t fair. Who is going to take responsibility for all this bad mortgage debt?

This is not our fault, is it? Who can we turn to for help when our own government isn’t really on our side? I think it’s their fault. They created this Credit Monster, didn’t they? You can’t tax a government, can you? Some one is going to have to pay for this mess and it isn’t going to be us again, is it?

All these questions and no one appears to have the answers. What are we going to do? I’m talking about we the people. We are drowning in a sea of fiscal irresponsibility and emotional despair. And these are shark-infested waters. You know who the sharks are, don’t you?
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