Excerpt from the novel Johnny Oops
With a feeling of foreboding I looked at myself in the full-length mirror on our closet door in the camper. I’m losing my hair and what remains of it is turning grey. To make matters worse I’ve developed a paunch, probably from all the fast food meals Jody and I were eating on the road. Me with a paunch, I used to be a stud. What happened to my ripped muscles? I think Jody noticed, but she didn’t say anything. I guess you can’t easily tell a Prophet he is getting old and fat, but I have eyes. I can see for myself. This is disgusting. I have to shape up.
One night after a long day’s drive through New England on our way to a camp site in Vermont called the Together Lodge and Camp Grounds, I started to think about the old days when I was a young stud and was passionately in love with Jody and every other beautiful girl that came along. I began to get an old familiar tingle in my private parts: something that hadn’t happened to me in months.
I turned to Jody and said, “We are still man and wife. I love you. I’m a man. I have urges. Would you like to fool around?”
Jody smiled. “I thought you’d never ask. I was afraid you would carry on with this celibacy thing forever.” She turned off the lights, pulled down the camper’s shades, took me gently by the hand, and led me off to bed. Reminded me of that first night with Alice in my bedroom, but it was far from that.
“Sorry honey, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe it’s God’s Will. I don’t know. This never happened to me before. I can’t believe it.” I was so humiliated and embarrassed I was afraid I was going to cry.
“It’s OK darling. You just need to relax. It’s been a long time. Don’t feel guilty, we aren’t doing anything wrong.”
“I know, I know, we’re not doing anything wrong, wait a minute, something is happening, this is great. I’m a man again. I forgot how much fun it was to be a sinner. Oops, sorry honey. I have to learn to slow down. I just got so excited. I was beginning to think I couldn’t do it any more. Please be patient with me. As it says in the good book I will rise again.”
“Johnny don’t be blasphemous.”
“Sorry honey, I forgot, but I’m a sinner. Do you mind if we search for redemption tomorrow?”